Tag: conflicts

Conflict happens when two opposing parties have different views, interests, or goals, which seem incompatible with one another.

Conflict usually occurs at the height of a stressful situation when everything seems to bubble over.

Typically, it’s not just related to the one event that triggered the outward showing of the conflict in the first place.

For many of us, we bottle our emotions and keep them inside until we fill up with the little bits and pieces that really cause the quarrel.

Resolution can only occur when we’re able to work together to figure out what triggered the conflict in the first place

. In order for the problem to be solved, we must agree on the root of the problem.

There are dozens of conflict resolution strategies, but unfortunately, no one strategy will work for every situation.

The best thing to do is to pick a few and try them out to see how it works in your particular situation.

Some of these strategies may seem silly at first, but that’s okay.

The funny feelings will pass and you’ll be impressed at how effective they are in resolving conflicts.

To realize the best effect from conflict resolution strategies, everyone should first agree to observe a few ground rules:

1. Avoid Universal Statements.

Every, all, never and always are big no-no’s in conflict resolution.

Can you honestly say something always happens?

No! So don’t say it.

2. No Personal Attacks.

Try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Make sure you let the person know you feel.

For instance, “When you throw your clothes on the floor, it makes me feel like I’m the maid cleaning up after you.”

3. Listen. When one person speaks, the other person should listen with an open heart.

Rather than plan your rebuttal while the other person is talking, be sure to actually listen to what they’re saying and understand their feelings.

4. Get a Moderator if Needed.

If you’re still having issues, ask a friend or someone close to both of you to come over and moderate so they can keep you on track.

Nothing hinders conflict resolution more than repeatedly getting sidetracked with petty details.

With the ground rules in place, let’s consider conflict resolution strategies:

1. Role-playing.

Create a mock setting, such as a flower shop or a restaurant.

The first person is the one taking the order and listening while the customer explains the situation.

The person taking the order must listen and then repeat back the order to make sure they understand.

After the two parties have gone through the entire exercise, the roles are reversed.

There are no comebacks to the previous arguments stated; only another order is placed and taken.

2. Knee to knee.

I wouldn’t recommend this with a coworker in an office setting since it’s a bit of a personal space issue, but sitting knee to knee is a great strategy for conflict resolution. 

Scoot two chairs close together, have a seat and start talking about the issue.

Knee to knee forces you to pay attention to each other, which is one of the biggest rules in resolution.

Remember, the most recent events may or may not be the actual issue, so dig a little deeper.

3. Cool down.

Sometimes just stepping out of the situation allows both people to cool down.

One of the biggest problems with conflicts is many times, the person feels like they are being attacked, instead of focusing on the problem or situation.

By taking time to cool down, both parties can come back together and attack the situation instead of each other. 

Designate an appropriate length of time to cool down.

Don’t just walk away for an undetermined amount of time.

Set a timer for 20 minutes, go do something else, then come back and start resolving the issue at hand.

Remember to listen and get a moderator if needed.

These three techniques are great strategies for conflict resolution. If one technique doesn’t work, simply try something else.

Once you’ve worked through a few issues, you’ll begin to develop your likes and dislikes for certain strategies and find out which ones suit your style.

How have certain conflicts brought you sadness?

How can you overcome the conflicts you encounter daily?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Also, as your gift for taking this to heart – and this is profoundly important… to us ALL – go to UnitingPlanetEarth.com/ignition/ and do the Uniting Planet Earth 7-Day Quick-Start Ignition Program… and Allow it to Transform Your Life.

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Conflict – even the word can make your stomach tighten into knots.

If there’s conflict around you, whether it directly involves you or not, you may not be able to do your best work.

If the conflict is on a personal level, it can affect your home life as well as what happens on the job.

Effective conflict resolution is a skill that everyone can benefit from learning.

Most conflict occurs because someone doesn’t respond to another’s actions in the expected manner.

There may be differences of opinion, or a need is not being met.

Despite attempts to avoid a conflict, it may not always be possible.

When conflict occurs, here are some proven techniques you can use to help you diffuse the conflict and find a resolution:

Diffusing the Conflict

1. Break the tension. Do something completely out of character to break the tension. Laughter can go a long way toward diffusing conflict.

Don’t expect it to solve the whole problem.

However, it will give you a chance to take a break from the anger so you can gather your thoughts, cool down, and begin to work toward a solution.

2. Adhere to company policy. If the problem is at work, refer to company policy.

While a company may not consider every possible issue in their handbook, it may address many common problems.

Using the company policy as a guideline prevents claims of favoritism.

3. Act quickly. If at all possible, avoid putting off the conflict for a more convenient time.

Allowing conflict and ill feelings to remain will only serve to make your office or home stressful.

It’s best to deal with it immediately.

4. Finding a Resolution

Identify the problem. This is the first step to resolving a conflict effectively. You’re not likely to solve a problem if you have no idea what it is.

To determine what the problem is, talk calmly and listen to each other without judgment.

State your needs. It’s quite possible the person who’s angry doesn’t really know what the problem is.

Each person should write down any needs that aren’t being met.

Do they expect a raise they haven’t received?

Maybe they’re not getting enough sleep.

Are they dealing with a long-term illness in their family?

Voicing their needs may reduce some of their anger.

Clarify your understanding. Once the problem is identified, it’s time to start communicating with the “drive through” method:

One person describes their side of the issue and expresses their feelings.

The other person repeats back to them what they understood of their description.

Then the first person may add more information, explanation, or clarification.

When the first person has said everything they need to say, it’s the other person’s turn.

They repeat the process with the second person describing their side of the issue.

Find a solution. Now that you know what’s bothering the other, you can work on resolving the conflict. It’s planning time.

Ask the following questions:

What can be done so that both people are satisfied with the outcome?

How can we work together to fix this problem?

If we cannot resolve the issue right away, what can we do to work toward a resolution?

When both people are more intent on finding a solution rather than arguing or fighting, you’re more likely to find a solution both can be comfortable with.

Follow through. Be sure to follow through with the steps necessary to solve the initial problem.

If the plan is not adhered to as agreed upon, you take a chance of the old problem reappearing.

You also increase the possibility of one person feeling like they were just being placated.

Conflict resolution is tricky business.

The key is in diffusing conflict effectively and quickly.

The sooner the conflict is diffused, the sooner you can work on a resolution that is a win-win proposition for everyone involved.

What factors do you consider when resolving a conflict?

How can you learn from conflicts you experience?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Also, as your gift for taking this to heart – and this is profoundly important… to us ALL – go to UnitingPlanetEarth.com/ignition/ and do the Uniting Planet Earth 7-Day Quick-Start Ignition Program… and Allow it to Transform Your Life.

Before you leave…

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Open and honest communication is essential for the healthy development of my relationships.

For this reason, I strive to keep the big picture in mind whenever I find myself in conflict with someone else.

I step back from the situation to provide time to cool off before we discuss the matter at hand.

Rarely do issues need to be resolved on the spur of the moment; allowing time away from the conflict often produces far more productive communication.

When I am ready to talk, I make sure to discuss the issue at hand rather than attacking the person.

I may be angry and that’s okay. I know it is both impossible and unhealthy to deny negative emotions.

I accept them and strive to deal with them in a positive way.

I strive to bear in mind my long-term goal of nurturing the relationship.

For this reason, I let go of any childish desires for revenge and put my focus on creating understanding and developing workable solutions.

I tell the other person how I feel and remain open to hearing how they feel as well.

In the heat of the moment, my perspective always seems like the most valid one, but I recognize that there are always at least two sides to every story.

Because I treasure the health of my relationships far more than I value proving myself right, I make a conscious effort to facilitate communication and understanding whenever I find myself in conflict.

When you find yourself in conflict, do you take time to calm down before you respond?

How do you show others that you value their point of view?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Also, as your gift for taking this to heart – and this is profoundly important… to us ALL – go to UnitingPlanetEarth.com/ignition/ and do the Uniting Planet Earth 7-Day Quick-Start Ignition Program… and Allow it to Transform Your Life.

Before you leave…

Please share the link to this post on your Facebook, Twitter, etc., and like it, and comment right here – THANKS!