life – Page 25 – Personal Growth Cafe

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

December 3, 2018February 19, 2018

Handling Difficult Conversations with Positive Statements

No matter how hard we may try, there’s just no way to avoid some difficult conversations.

However, there are positive things you can say and do to help you handle them better.

Your first response may be to change the subject when faced with a difficult discussion.

This won’t solve the problem or heal the hurt that caused the situation in the first place.

It’s better to take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and face the difficulty now rather than later.

Remember it’s not your job to fix the situation unless you were directly involved.

People sometimes just need a friend to listen when they’re going through tough circumstances.

They really don’t want you to fix things for them.

Being available to listen is sometimes the best way to show your friend that you care.

If the situation requires you to talk with someone going through difficulties, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

What would you want a friend to say to you if you were in that situation? In all likelihood, they would like to hear the same thing.

Here are some positive ways to handle difficult conversations:

1. Try to help them identify the problem they’re facing.

Maybe they’re upset over something that’s not related to the perceived problem.

Listen to your friend as they talk, trying to ask questions to help them determine the real problem.

2. Avoid acting like you know what will happen next.

If your friend’s going through a difficult time in a relationship, don’t tell them everything will work out.

Instead, tell them “I’m available to you whenever you want to talk.”

3. Ask general questions rather than expecting them to answer questions they may not be ready to answer. “How’s it going?” is a better question than asking them if they’ve moved out of their home after a breakup.

Let them bring up additional topics when they feel comfortable doing so.

4. Refrain from judging others.

Rather than saying you’ve never trusted a particular company when your friend has just lost a large sum of money, you might want to ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Most likely they’ll tell you no, but will appreciate your asking.

5. Your similar situation isn’t the same as theirs.

While it may be true that you’ve lost a job or a pet, it’s not the same thing as losing a loved one.

Try to encourage your friend to think about the good times rather than their loss.

6. Acknowledge your friend’s feelings.

“I understand that you were hurt by what they said. I would be hurt, too” is better than telling your friend, “There’s no reason to be upset about that.”

Acknowledge and validate their feelings, and they’ll feel better.

7. Think about what your friend needs most.

It may be to have someone tell them “I love you.” Try to be alert to your friend’s unspoken needs.

Be reassuring when possible regardless if your friend has spoken a need or not.

8. Let others know you understand their point of view.

Telling someone, “This sounds important to you” doesn’t mean you’ll go along with what they want, but at least you acknowledge what they believe to be the best solution.

9. Stay focused on the problem and don’t get dragged into a fight.

If they verbally attack, don’t take the bait. “I see you’re upset, and I’m sorry.

Maybe we should take a few minutes for each of us to calm down.”

It’s important to remember that no matter what the difficult situation happens to be, it’s better to listen more than talk.

When you do talk, use the positive statements you find here to help you handle the conversation in a supportive and caring way.

How do you stay calm during difficult situations?

When was the last time you learned from a difficulty you encountered?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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December 1, 2018February 19, 2018

Most of the shadows in this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

December 1, 2018February 19, 2018

Diffusing Conflict Effectively

Conflict – even the word can make your stomach tighten into knots.

If there’s conflict around you, whether it directly involves you or not, you may not be able to do your best work.

If the conflict is on a personal level, it can affect your home life as well as what happens on the job.

Effective conflict resolution is a skill that everyone can benefit from learning.

Most conflict occurs because someone doesn’t respond to another’s actions in the expected manner.

There may be differences of opinion, or a need is not being met.

Despite attempts to avoid a conflict, it may not always be possible.

When conflict occurs, here are some proven techniques you can use to help you diffuse the conflict and find a resolution:

Diffusing the Conflict

1. Break the tension. Do something completely out of character to break the tension. Laughter can go a long way toward diffusing conflict.

Don’t expect it to solve the whole problem.

However, it will give you a chance to take a break from the anger so you can gather your thoughts, cool down, and begin to work toward a solution.

2. Adhere to company policy. If the problem is at work, refer to company policy.

While a company may not consider every possible issue in their handbook, it may address many common problems.

Using the company policy as a guideline prevents claims of favoritism.

3. Act quickly. If at all possible, avoid putting off the conflict for a more convenient time.

Allowing conflict and ill feelings to remain will only serve to make your office or home stressful.

It’s best to deal with it immediately.

4. Finding a Resolution

Identify the problem. This is the first step to resolving a conflict effectively. You’re not likely to solve a problem if you have no idea what it is.

To determine what the problem is, talk calmly and listen to each other without judgment.

State your needs. It’s quite possible the person who’s angry doesn’t really know what the problem is.

Each person should write down any needs that aren’t being met.

Do they expect a raise they haven’t received?

Maybe they’re not getting enough sleep.

Are they dealing with a long-term illness in their family?

Voicing their needs may reduce some of their anger.

Clarify your understanding. Once the problem is identified, it’s time to start communicating with the “drive through” method:

One person describes their side of the issue and expresses their feelings.

The other person repeats back to them what they understood of their description.

Then the first person may add more information, explanation, or clarification.

When the first person has said everything they need to say, it’s the other person’s turn.

They repeat the process with the second person describing their side of the issue.

Find a solution. Now that you know what’s bothering the other, you can work on resolving the conflict. It’s planning time.

Ask the following questions:

What can be done so that both people are satisfied with the outcome?

How can we work together to fix this problem?

If we cannot resolve the issue right away, what can we do to work toward a resolution?

When both people are more intent on finding a solution rather than arguing or fighting, you’re more likely to find a solution both can be comfortable with.

Follow through. Be sure to follow through with the steps necessary to solve the initial problem.

If the plan is not adhered to as agreed upon, you take a chance of the old problem reappearing.

You also increase the possibility of one person feeling like they were just being placated.

Conflict resolution is tricky business.

The key is in diffusing conflict effectively and quickly.

The sooner the conflict is diffused, the sooner you can work on a resolution that is a win-win proposition for everyone involved.

What factors do you consider when resolving a conflict?

How can you learn from conflicts you experience?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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November 29, 2018February 19, 2018

Attracting Like-Minded, Positive People

Are you seeking a relationship with a like-minded person who has a positive outlook on life?

Have you found meeting this type of individual to be a challenge?

Many of us have this problem!

What we don’t realize is that we may be encountering such a challenge because we are not as positive as we could be.

Positive People Attract Other Positive People

When you’re searching for positive people, you must put your best foot forward to attract them, and this includes showing positivism in your thoughts, words, and actions.

If your expectations, lifestyle, and attitude evoke a positive outlook, you can more easily find the kind of people that share your same views, goals, and interests.

They’ll be drawn to you because positive people purposefully seek out other positive people.

On the other hand, positive people have no desire to start a relationship with someone who exhibits a sour attitude.

So if you’re looking for like-minded, positive people, be sure that you’re like-minded.

Be a positive person yourself!

Free Affirmations Can Help You Meet Positive People

Affirmations can help you view relationships and other people differently so you’re a more open and positive source of energy yourself.

When you use affirmations, you’ll suddenly become more attractive to the kind of people you’re looking for and less attractive to the wrong type of people.

Affirmations can change your life, one thought at a time.

Plus, they’re free and available to you 24 hours a day!

How to Make Affirmations Work for You

Free affirmations can work for anyone who makes the conscious choice to change their life for the better.

For example, if you doubt your ability to attract positive people, you can say, “I am a magnet for rewarding relationships.”

Every time you say this out loud, you reaffirm this thought in your mind and you make it your own truth.

You could also use affirmations such as, “I surround myself with positive people, just like me.”

Every time you use these affirmations you remind yourself of your goals and activate your mind to behave as a successful person would.

If you have goals of meeting positive people, you simply need to act in a way that will allow you to become more confident in yourself, and the rest will follow.

Where Do You Get Affirmations?

You can find many lists of affirmations in bookstores or on self-help websites. Or you can make up your own!

The key is to create affirmations that are focused on the positive and written in the present tense.

Affirmations are about the present, not the past or future.

It’s also important to use statements that most clearly describe the way you would like to think or feel in any given situation.

Words have power because they evoke emotions, so choose affirmations that evoke the necessary emotions for you to achieve your goals.

When you believe in the power of the statements you repeat to yourself, you enable yourself to change the way you view relationships, the people you attract, and your life.

How can being around positive people help you feel positive about your life?

What positive thinking did you use today?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Before you leave…

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November 29, 2018February 19, 2018

Tag: life

Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. – Michelangelo

I live a worry-free life.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Handling Difficult Conversations with Positive Statements

Most of the shadows in this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Diffusing Conflict Effectively

Attracting Like-Minded, Positive People

Success doesn’t come to you, you go to it. – Marva Collins

A prudent question is one half of wisdom. – Francis Bacon

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. – Maxwell Maltz