self-improvement – Page 2 – Personal Growth Cafe

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Strengthening Your Persistence for Greater Success

One of the greatest character traits you can have is persistence. According to the Wordbook Dictionary, “persistence” is determination, tenacity and “the act of persevering; continuing or repeating a behavior.” Being persistent means you’ll keep trying until you accomplish a goal or get something right.

Reflect back on times when you were persistent. What did you do? How long and how often did you repeat the behavior you needed for success? Did you get the results you wanted? What did you learn from the experience?

One key to experiencing positive results from your persistence is to know when you must be persistent. Once you have a feel for determining when being persistent is most likely to help you get what you desire, you can practice strategies that help you develop greater persistence. As with many other activities, the more you practice the better you get!

Try these techniques to develop more persistence for greater success in your endeavors:

1. Accept that anyone can be persistent. If you’ve ever doubted you could hang in during a difficult situation until your goal is met, doubt no more. Everyone is capable of exhibiting perseverance.

2. Ask yourself, “How important is this issue?” Because being persistent requires quite a bit of mental energy – and in some cases, physical energy as well – you want to be sure that the issue or situation is important enough to you to put in the effort.

3. Be very clear about your goal. Know what you want. What do you hope to accomplish? Your focus on the desired end product or goal will propel you forward.

4. Faith is the fuel. Although being persistent doesn’t require any particular talent or skill, it does take some faith to keep you going. It’s important to truly believe that what you’re working toward will work out eventually. If you believe, you will persist.

5. Try different angles. If one approach doesn’t work, try another. Then repeat an approach you tried earlier but adjust it. Sometimes, persistence involves a certain amount of experimentation before you achieve your goal.

6. It’s okay to change what you want and tweak your goals. If you find that your situation has changed or the goal is no longer integral to your life, change directions with confidence. Create a new plan that will get you to your new goal.

7. Avoid giving up unless your goal changes or the importance of the issue has waned.

8. Be inspired by someone who persisted and succeeded. Stories of persistence leading to success are everywhere to inspire you. Writers, athletes, musicians, and people from other walks of life have their inspiring stories of persistence to tell.

• J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, claims to have submitted her first Potter novel to many publishers who rejected the manuscript numerous times before it was finally accepted for printing. Throughout those months of waiting, Rowling just kept writing about Harry and his crew. She persisted.

• Consider Michael Jordan, proclaimed as the best basketball player ever by many all over the world. Jordan says he didn’t make the varsity basketball team in his high school when he was a sophomore. And that fact only made him more determined. He was persistent and eventually achieved every goal imaginable in his field.

• Find your own hero who persisted and rose above the fray. Seek your own inspiration to compel you to be persistent.

Know the importance of the situation as well as your goal. Have faith, experiment, and adjust your goals if need be. Don’t give up unless it’s time. Finally, find your own hero who persisted and eventually achieved great things.

Being persistent is simple, yet requires courageous effort. The best part is… anyone can do it!

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Re-Claim Your Life by Living Consciously

Do you sometimes feel like you’re just going through the motions? You get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch television, and go to bed. The next day, the routine starts all over again.

But what if you could become more connected with your own experiences? You’d enjoy life more, feel happier and more content, and have more control over your life. By living consciously, you can get back your life!

Make a decision now to live more consciously.

What Does it Mean to Live Consciously?

Living consciously involves re-gaining control over your life. Rather than doing something automatically and with no real thought, you’ll ponder what you want to do and how you want to go about it.

Living consciously means you get to see the people you wish to see and take part in the activities you prefer. When you live consciously, you consider what you want to eat and how you want to spend your hour of free time. You discover true freedom of choice.

Living Consciously in Everyday Life

You can see how living consciously ensures you’ll have a more fulfilling life. When you check back in to your own psyche, you’re in the driver’s seat. Sure, you still must arise in the morning, attend work, return home, and dine, but you give yourself more options to choose from in how you go about it.

When you live consciously, you can vary your daily routines or put in something that makes them a little more interesting:

• Maybe you can get up 15 minutes earlier a few times a week to do that exercise DVD you’ve been wanting to get to.

• Tired of eating cold cereal every day? Mix up your routine by having a piece of fresh fruit and some hot oatmeal or something else you’d like.

• Refresh your evenings by taking a walk after dinner, having a rousing conversation with your partner about something funny from the day, or playing with your kids or pets.

Work

When you get to work, talk to the boss about that project you’ve really wanted to do. You’ll re-kindle your interests and experience the satisfaction that comes with consciously working on projects you desire to do.

As you do your routine tasks, concentrate on what you’re doing. Are you doing your best? Have you considered more effective, efficient methods for the tasks or projects at your job? The more you notice what you’re doing, the more you can strive to excel at the job.

Living consciously at work can win you promotions.

Free Time

In the evening at home, ponder what you truly want to do. Maybe you want to hang out with the guys in your neighbor’s garage for an hour. Or you really want to take up beading jewelry again.

Thinking consciously enables you to discover that you have the control in your life to do whatever it is that brings you joy, pleasure, and contentment.

Putting It All Together

To live consciously is to cease wasting time doing activities you’re not really interested in. When you make a personal vow to live consciously, you’re opening the door to a new, more joyous existence.

• What do you truly seek?
• With whom do you choose to spend time?
• How can you spend leisure time in ways that re-charge you and bring special joy?
• How can you become more psychologically engaged in your work to increase your performance?
• Are you taking care of your physical self the way you want and obtaining the results you desire?

Your answers to these questions will lead you down the path of conscious living.

Go ahead and take the first step in your journey toward reclaiming your life today. Say to yourself: “I will live consciously every moment of this day.” Repeat it tomorrow and the day after and embrace the joys of creating the life you desire.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Managing Transitions in Life

The one thing you can be sure of in life is that there will be times when you’re thrown a curve ball. Something will happen that you aren’t expecting.

Even though you know you’ve got the strength to handle anything that life brings you, you might still be taken aback by an unexpected change in your life direction.

These suggestions will help you successfully handle some of life’s transitional times:

1. Take a deep breath. Pause for a moment and give yourself time to just breathe.

2. Process the information. Next, allow yourself some time to think through what’s happened. This might take a few days, depending on your situation. From your perspective, what occurred?

3. Talk about it. Call a close friend or family member you trust and tell them about what’s going on in your life. It helps to hear yourself think aloud whenever you’re faced with an enduring challenge.

4. Consider your options. Although you might not be completely ready to move on yet, try to ponder fully your situation and where you could go from here. Be open-minded about resolving the current issues in the short-term.

• If your situation involves an ending of a relationship, for example, maybe you’ll have to find another place to live quickly. Could you move in with a friend or family member, at least for now? Ask yourself what your possibilities are at the present time.

5. Take time to adjust. You might feel you have to make decisions fairly quickly to get moving forward, but still, it’s wise to allow yourself necessary moments to adjust to what’s happening.

6. Tell yourself that you’ll make it through. After the initial shock wears off, you’ll hopefully reach the point of realizing that “this too shall pass.” Thinking positively is the best way to approach any type of challenging situation. Remind yourself that you have the savvy and fortitude to find your way from this day forward.

7. Begin to formulate a plan. After considerable thinking, you’ll be relieved to see parts of a new plan for your life falling in to place.

8. Recognize your own strengths. Remember back to a time you struggled through a crisis and emerged better than ever. Maybe you had to drop out of college because there wasn’t enough money. You still made it through and were able to return to finish your studies within 2 years. Realize your strength to help you make it through the current situation.

9. Look at the recent change as an opportunity. Even though it might take some effort, allow yourself to see you’re being given a chance to change your life. You’re in a position to improve something about your existence.

• Let your imagination run free. Regard the coming episode of your life as a new adventure and embrace it.

10. Move forward with a sense of purpose. Now that you have the bare bones of a plan, you can proceed ahead with your new life with greater confidence. As time goes by, you’ll grow even surer of the direction you’re heading. Let yourself feel excited about your new goals.

Regardless of what life brings your way, you’ll still keep going. Allow yourself time to breathe and take in the information. Perhaps even talk to someone and ponder your choices.

You have what it takes to successfully manage any transition in life that appears before you. Openly accept this opportunity to let go of the old and embrace the new.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

How to Manage Controlling Behaviors in Early Dating Relationships

Whenever you meet someone new and start dating, it can be exciting and a little nerve-wracking. You recognize you like the person and want things to go well. However, perhaps you’ve noticed there are times when the person shows some controlling behaviors toward you.

To avoid falling into the trap of becoming accustomed to someone who’s increasingly dominant, use these methods to manage a partner’s controlling behaviors early on in dating relationships:

1. Be open, honest, and clear about your own feelings from Day 1. Decline to take part in activities you prefer to avoid. Tell the truth about what you like and don’t like, even if you aren’t directly asked.

2. State what you’d like to do on a date. Pick the restaurant. Say if you don’t eat a particular kind of food. Consider your feelings and preferences as important as your partner’s.

3. Set clear boundaries. From the start, establish comfortable boundaries. For example, if the person just pops over to your house without calling, it’s appropriate to state, “I’m not comfortable with you coming to my house unannounced. Let’s agree to make plans in advance so we both know what’s going on and can schedule dates accordingly.”

4. Avoid going along with everything just so you won’t rock the boat. If you’re uncomfortable about something, speak up. Part of getting acquainted with someone new is honestly revealing your wishes and needs.

5. If you were less than pleased with the way your new friend behaved in public, remind yourself you’re entitled to your feelings. Think through the situation when you’re alone later and decide what you want to do about the public behavior. Do you want to talk to them about it? Or is their misbehavior a deal-breaker for you?

• Here’s an example: when you met with some of your work friends together, he openly insisted that you not sit beside a male co-worker whom you’ve been friends with for years. He was so insistent that, just to get him to stop his comments, you quickly switched seats.

• When this type of occurrence takes place, the question is “wouldn’t you rather discuss your feelings about his behavior right away so he understands how you feel and can adjust his actions in the future?”

6. Address challenging issues swiftly and tactfully. This way, there’s no question in your new friend’s mind about what you do and do not feel comfortable with.

• If they get angry with your honest expression, that will be your cue to say, “I’m sorry you’re upset but this issue is important to me.” If your new friend cannot accept your feelings about the situation, ponder whether it’s wise to go any further in the relationship.

7. Remind yourself neither person should possess all the power in the relationship. You’re both entitled to your feelings. However, if either of you seem to “rule” the relationship, it’s time to re-consider how you relate to each other. Healthy relationships exhibit a healthy balance of power.

8. If you feel extreme discomfort or fear because of your new friend’s behavior, recognize this may not be a relationship you want to continue. Under no condition should you push away feelings of fear that are well-grounded.

• If someone is even mildly or verbally threatening toward you when you date them, take careful, safe steps to separate yourself from the person.

You can successfully manage controlling behaviors of a new friend in a developing relationship by practicing the above strategies. Many times, your openness and capacity to genuinely express your wants and feelings will quell the other person’s efforts to take complete control.

Trust yourself to address any challenging situations right away to have a healthy, caring, and enjoyable relationship.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Get Hoarding Tendencies Under Control

Reality TV shows have focused new attention on the issue of hoarding. Maybe you’re buried alive or maybe you just need to empty out that hall closet. Learn what psychiatrists now know about hoarding along with techniques to manage mild tendencies or intervene in more severe cases.

Understanding the Facts About Hoarding

1. Recognize hoarding as a mental health issue. The psychiatric criteria for compulsive hoarding are still being developed, but some facts are clear. The symptoms include a strong urge to acquire items and trouble with discarding them that interferes with daily life.

• Those who struggle with this dilemma may suffer from depression or attention deficit disorders, but sometimes they have no known history of mental illness.

2. Identify the underlying causes. Certain personality traits are characteristic of hoarding. You may be indecisive and try to avoid making mistakes by holding onto everything just in case. You may also be prone to procrastinating and have difficulty getting organized.

3. Know the risk factors. Anyone can become a hoarder but older women who are socially isolated are most at risk. Keep this in mind if you think you need to change your own life circumstances or if you’re caring for an aging parent or other relative.

4. Put yourself to the test. Compulsive hoarders may need professional intervention but there are also tests that can help you make an initial assessment. Search online for the Hoarding Rating Scale Interview. It has 5 simple questions with replies ranked from “no problem” to “extreme.”

Coping With Mild Hoarding Tendencies

1. Organize your valuables. Organization is a key distinction between being a collector and being a hoarder. Create an attractive display for your prized books or antique dolls so you can feel good about them and enjoy sharing them with others.

2. Stick to your budget. Buy only what you can afford. Look for bargains or save up in advance for major new purchases.

3. De-acquisition as needed. Every librarian or museum director appreciates the value of de-selection guidelines. Make your best stuff appear more attractive and accessible by getting rid of items in poor condition or objects of lesser quality.

Interventions for More Severe Hoarding

1. Contact the appropriate authorities for health and safety threats. Animal hoarding, fire hazards or nonworking utilities can pose urgent dangers. Call the board of health or animal control immediately for such emergencies.

2. Arrange for a professional evaluation. Talk with your family doctor or consider engaging a geriatric care manager. These professionals provide expert assistance to the elderly and their families to help them locate appropriate services and maximize the independence of elders. Most offer a free initial telephone consultation.

3. Find local therapists and resources. Seeing a therapist is an individual decision, but you can present options if you’re trying to help a loved one. Many patients improve thorough targeted behavioral therapies and home visits.

• Clutters Anonymous is a self help group with a 12 step program like Alcoholics Anonymous.

4. Enlist support. Caregivers and their loved ones benefit from building alliances. Ask your local council on aging about relevant programs in your community. Look into professional services like house cleaning agencies and storage centers. Ask friends and family to pitch in with removal tasks and providing more opportunities for socializing.

5. Remain compassionate and sensitive. Be respectful and nonjudgmental to avoid exacerbating any feelings of shame. Offer sincere praise as progress is made. It’s usually easiest to start out by focusing on tasks like sorting rather than throwing things away. Ask for permission before touching anything.

Those TV shows may be helping compulsive hoarders to get the assistance they need. Still, the solution usually extends much deeper than just tidying up the house. Recognize the warning signs for hoarding so you and the people you care about can restore order in your emotional lives and in your homes.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

How to Make a Vision Board to Reflect Your Life Goals

Do you feel you need a push to focus on your goals? It can be very effective to have daily reminders of what you want to accomplish. But how is it possible to keep your goals in mind every day? One way to consistently work toward bringing your dreams to life is to make a vision board.

What is a Vision Board?

A vision board is a craft project – a collage that includes pictures and words that reflect your life goals. The board can address your life in general or one or more specific areas you choose.

A vision board shows what you’re seeking in life. It prompts you to consider what you want. Before starting your board, ask yourself what your goals are. What do you want your life to be like?

Preparing to Construct Your Vision Board

Follow these preparation steps:

1. Gather supplies. Use a large square or rectangle of poster board or foam core board as the base of your vision board.

• You’ll need colored ink markers, magazines with plenty of words in headlines and pictures, scissors, and glue.

2. Ponder what you’ll include in your board. Decide the life area(s) you wish to address: all aspects, such as prosperity, relationships, family, sports, health, school, jobs, and careers or just 1-2 of your most-sought-after goals.

• You’ll use pictures and words about the things you desire, the place(s) you want to live, and anything else representative of the lifestyle you seek.

3. Plan time to start work on your vision board. Schedule a day and time to make your board when you’ll be uninterrupted. Allow yourself 3-4 hours. You might not complete it in one sitting. That’s okay. It’ll take some time to browse through magazines and select images to clip and use.

Vision Board Day!

It’s time to get started.

1. Reflect on your most important goals. Set a timer for 20 minutes and clarify to yourself what you want in life.

• Right now, what’s important to you? What do you want to pursue? It’s okay if you’re not sure. But give yourself time to think about it. When you emotionally connect with your goals, you’re more likely to achieve them.

2. Find the pictures you want to use. Browse through magazines and clip images that reflect your goals and dreams. Then, without gluing, arrange and re-arrange the pictures on the poster board until you love how it looks.

• Leave a space somewhere on the poster board to place a favorite picture of you.
• Once you have a pleasing arrangement, affix your collage with glue.

3. Include words to express goals and desires. Write words that connect you with the pictures. Express your thoughts and emotions using markers. You might choose to clip words from magazines (larger print is best) and glue them on your vision board.

4. Glue on a picture of yourself that you like and voila, you’ve just created your vision board!

5. Recognize it’s a process. You might start out making your vision board about your career and discover you’re really more interested in deepening friendships or making money from a job you’ve never tried. That’s okay; switch gears on this board or even construct another board later.

6. Display your vision board. Hang it in your den, bedroom, or somewhere you’ll see it every day. Stop and look at it, touch it, and say out loud, “I’m working for that!” Let yourself get excited about the prospect of achieving your goals.

Making a vision board keeps you oriented toward your life desires. Construct a new board later as you reach current goals and add new ones. Motivate yourself to attain your goals and dreams through making your own vision board.

June 13, 2012June 18, 2012

Ace Your Next Job Interview by Listening Better

Active listening skills are a subtle but effective way to perform better on job interviews.

Half of all communication is listening but few of us get any training on doing it well. Fortunately, listening well is relatively simple, and will become automatic once you practice the skills.

Here are some techniques that will help you acquire more knowledge and make a better impression on your prospective employer.

How to Use Active Listening for Your Job Interview

Recognize your limitations. Many studies confirm that we only take in half of what we hear and we forget half of that by the next day. Becoming more attentive often takes some deliberate effort.
Relax your mind. Most people feel anxious about applying for a new job. Take time to quiet your mind and reduce distracting thoughts. Meditate, get a massage, or listen to instrumental music.
Stay alert. Prevent fatigue from sabotaging your interview. Get a good night’s sleep and squeeze in some aerobic exercise beforehand. Sit up straight and dress in layers. Being chilly makes concentration more difficult.
Show your enthusiasm. Successful people often enjoy talking about their work, especially when they have an appreciative audience. Make eye contact and lean toward your interviewer. Let your positive feelings shine through when you describe your past accomplishments and how they relate to the position you’re seeking.
Position yourself as a good fit. Use the information your interviewer provides to home in on the type of candidate they’re after. Explain how your background and skills enable you to contribute and become a valued team member.
Take notes. People listen much faster than they speak. Take advantage of that gap to take notes and collect your thoughts. Jot down keywords and main themes rather than recording every word.
Keep an open mind. It pays to be flexible. Remain neutral to avoid rejecting a new viewpoint or job opportunity before you have a chance to consider it from all angles.
Put yourself in your interviewer’s shoes. Your interviewer may feel uncomfortable too. Empathize with their responsibility to find the right person for the job.
Restate key points. Summarize and paraphrase the most important messages. This will help reinforce their thoughts in your mind and show your interviewer that you are on the same page.
Seek clarification. Avoid misunderstandings by clarifying anything that’s unclear. A good employer will appreciate your efforts to fully comprehend their expectations.
Ask thoughtful questions. Use open-ended questions to elicit more information. Incisiveness also helps show that you’re a strong candidate.

Meeting the Staff

Get to know your supervisor. Your manager will likely play a big role in your job satisfaction. Talk about the daily routine and responsibilities. Learn about their work style and how they establish priorities.
Pick up valuable information from your co-workers. Try to meet some of your future associates. They can clue you in on the work environment and organizational culture. Plus, it’s usually a good sign if employees are involved in the hiring process.
Learn about the big picture from leadership. You may also get the opportunity to talk with some of the organization’s senior executives. Even if the time is brief, use those meetings to help get a better sense of the organization’s strategic plans and future direction.

Go to your next job interview better prepared to listen. The session will probably be more productive for both you and the people you interview with. And even if you don’t get this job, if you’ve kept your ears open, you may have positioned yourself for a different one. Active listening is one way to open up new career opportunities and build a better future.

Make sure you’re effectively using your power to manifest everything you want. Do the “Crash Course on Creating Your Ideal Life” video training for free at the Personal Growth Cafe.