social relationships – Personal Growth Cafe

June 27, 2012July 3, 2012

5 Tips to Strengthen Your Relationship

Because all relationships grow and change over time,even if you have a great relationship, there may be times when you feel like your bond could be stronger.

Consider these tips to fortify your partnership:

1. Take your partner’s side. To continue to grow an enriching, loving relationship, consistently advocate for your partner’s position, whether you agree with them or not. If you promise yourself to always be on the same side, then there will be fewer situations that divide you.

• Although disagreement can be appropriate, do so with tact and love instead of fighting. Let your differences lead to discussions that help you understand each other better rather than divide you.These types of honest discussions reinforce the love and respect youshare.

2. Release past hurts. If you’ve been holding on to emotional pain related to your current partner or a past one, let it go. Keeping the hurt inside can stifle the love and affection you want in your relationship.

• If the painresults from your current partner’s actions,resolve the past situation so you can let go of that pain and move forward with your relationship.

• Letting go of past hurts allow you to feel freer to love and be close to your partner.

3. Be willing to try something new. If you want to truly connect with your partner, embrace the activities he loves to do. Even though the particular pastime may not be your cup of tea, show willingness to engage in his beloved activities with him.

• For example, if your partner invites you to go to an NFL game, you don’t have to be a football fan to go and enjoy yourself. Look at it this way: you’ll be there to share something really special with your love. He’ll be thrilled to have you there and will most likely recognize the sacrifice you made to share the experience with him.

4. Lose the need to be right. Winning arguments with your partner is overrated. After all, what value does being right really have? Insisting that the other person agree that you’re right and they’re wrongdoes nothing to increase positive feelings or strengthen the bond between you.

• Try focusing, instead, on acceptingthat there will be times when you might be correct and other times when he’s the one who’s right.

• Sometimes, these situations can be better resolved by sorting out how you each feel so you can find a middle ground that can bring you closer together rather than determining who’s right or wrong.

5. Celebrate your differences. Allow yourself to again experience the passion that brought you into the relationship. You have a responsibility to keep the flame going, which reinforces your connection. One way to do thatis to truly embrace the ways in which you are different.

There are so many wonderful opportunities to ensure your partnership continues to blossom and grow stronger. Use these tips for inspiration to help youcultivate your cherished relationship and watch it thrive under your careful tending.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

How to Manage Controlling Behaviors in Early Dating Relationships

Whenever you meet someone new and start dating, it can be exciting and a little nerve-wracking. You recognize you like the person and want things to go well. However, perhaps you’ve noticed there are times when the person shows some controlling behaviors toward you.

To avoid falling into the trap of becoming accustomed to someone who’s increasingly dominant, use these methods to manage a partner’s controlling behaviors early on in dating relationships:

1. Be open, honest, and clear about your own feelings from Day 1. Decline to take part in activities you prefer to avoid. Tell the truth about what you like and don’t like, even if you aren’t directly asked.

2. State what you’d like to do on a date. Pick the restaurant. Say if you don’t eat a particular kind of food. Consider your feelings and preferences as important as your partner’s.

3. Set clear boundaries. From the start, establish comfortable boundaries. For example, if the person just pops over to your house without calling, it’s appropriate to state, “I’m not comfortable with you coming to my house unannounced. Let’s agree to make plans in advance so we both know what’s going on and can schedule dates accordingly.”

4. Avoid going along with everything just so you won’t rock the boat. If you’re uncomfortable about something, speak up. Part of getting acquainted with someone new is honestly revealing your wishes and needs.

5. If you were less than pleased with the way your new friend behaved in public, remind yourself you’re entitled to your feelings. Think through the situation when you’re alone later and decide what you want to do about the public behavior. Do you want to talk to them about it? Or is their misbehavior a deal-breaker for you?

• Here’s an example: when you met with some of your work friends together, he openly insisted that you not sit beside a male co-worker whom you’ve been friends with for years. He was so insistent that, just to get him to stop his comments, you quickly switched seats.

• When this type of occurrence takes place, the question is “wouldn’t you rather discuss your feelings about his behavior right away so he understands how you feel and can adjust his actions in the future?”

6. Address challenging issues swiftly and tactfully. This way, there’s no question in your new friend’s mind about what you do and do not feel comfortable with.

• If they get angry with your honest expression, that will be your cue to say, “I’m sorry you’re upset but this issue is important to me.” If your new friend cannot accept your feelings about the situation, ponder whether it’s wise to go any further in the relationship.

7. Remind yourself neither person should possess all the power in the relationship. You’re both entitled to your feelings. However, if either of you seem to “rule” the relationship, it’s time to re-consider how you relate to each other. Healthy relationships exhibit a healthy balance of power.

8. If you feel extreme discomfort or fear because of your new friend’s behavior, recognize this may not be a relationship you want to continue. Under no condition should you push away feelings of fear that are well-grounded.

• If someone is even mildly or verbally threatening toward you when you date them, take careful, safe steps to separate yourself from the person.

You can successfully manage controlling behaviors of a new friend in a developing relationship by practicing the above strategies. Many times, your openness and capacity to genuinely express your wants and feelings will quell the other person’s efforts to take complete control.

Trust yourself to address any challenging situations right away to have a healthy, caring, and enjoyable relationship.

June 24, 2012July 4, 2012

Deepen Your Relationship by Having Fun Together

Although maintaining your own sense of individuality in your relationship is important, enjoying time you spend together is the glue that holds your relationship together. Most people want to be around those they have fun with. Keeping the good feelings flowing strengthens the loving bonds you have and draws you closer.

Having a good laugh, sharing a new experience, and being spontaneous build a relationship that’s enjoyable as well as enduring. Make it a goal each day to bring fun into your relationship.

Try these ideas to infuse more merriment into your time together:

1. Plan a day to play hooky together. Schedule a day to take off from work and other tasks. Re-discover the love and frolic in your relationship by spending the entire day alone together. Behave as if you don’t have anything else to do but look into each other’s eyes.

2. During holidays, do fun, silly things together. Take advantage of unique opportunities to enjoy some levity and good times. Dress up for Halloween as Brangelina or Lucy and Desi. On Independence Day, plan to wear red, white and blue and serve only foods at your cook-out that are red, white or blue.

• Sharing silliness enhances the emotional intimacy so important to love relationships.

3. Have a picnic. Pack food and beverages and take off to a nearby park. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate feast – just something simple for lunch that you can munch on while talking and savoring the wonders of nature. Having such picnics once a month or so as long as the weather permits will encourage you to share special feelings.

4. Rediscover your playful side. Hold hands when you’re shopping or taking a walk. Share a joke at dinner.

• Laugh out loud. Who doesn’t feel drawn to a person that makes them laugh and laughs with them? Remember when you used to play games together when you first started dating?

• Have a Canasta tournament. Get out the Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit board game and delight in a new pastime.

5. Schedule a special dinner to discuss next year’s vacation. What a way to share special feelings of excitement and anticipation! If you’re planning a trip to Mexico, dine at a Mexican restaurant. Do everything you can to make your vacation planning talks special and pleasurable. You’ll feel even more drawn to one another as vacation time approaches.

6. Avoid television one evening weekly. When you refrain from watching television just one evening a week, it can open up so many possibilities to bond and have fun. Discuss how you could spend this extra time together. You’ll discover more about what your partner enjoys.

7. Play your favorite music and dance. You’ve probably got an MP3 loaded with music you love. Turn it on and dance together. Most people find dancing to be one of the most physically intimate, fun activities to do together. You’ll definitely connect emotionally when you dance.

8. Experience occasional intellectual pursuits together. A spirited discussion about something in the news will expand your minds while you delight in sharing your opinions with one another. You’ll learn something about your partner and maybe even be inspired.

As you focus on taking pleasure in your partner’s company, think about how you’re forging strong connections and truly listening to the love of your life. Ensuring you have fun together will deepen your relationship in more ways than you can imagine.

June 14, 2012June 18, 2012

How to be a Great Friend

Although you’ve most likely created good social relationships over the years, brushing up on your friendship skills can benefit you. Having close friends gives you someone to turn to when you’re feeling lonely, need a listening ear, or want someone to celebrate with you.

If you’ve ever had a really great friend, you’ve noticed all the things they did with you, for you, and on your behalf.

Whether you’re learning to be that kind of a friend yourself or you just want to polish up your “good friend” skills, these ideas will help you establish and maintain positive, fulfilling friendships.

Be a good listener. Everyone has times when they just want to vent feelings. When you make the decision to listen rather than offer feedback or suggestions, you’re practicing one of the most important behaviors a good friend can do. Keep your ears and mind open.
Support first. Truth, trust and honesty are most surely the cornerstones of any healthy friendship. However, there are times when honesty is less helpful than providing emotional support. Let your friend know you’re there for him and that he can call you at any time.
Honor your commitments. Have you ever had a friend who sometimes didn’t show up or showed up 45 minutes late? Be someone your friend can count on. Be dependable and predictable in your friendship. Doing so will ensure you’ll never have a shortage of people who care for you.
Spend time together.Make time for you friend: do something fun, have dinner, paint the living room, work on the car, or just hang out. A good friend wants to betogether and makes time in a busy schedule to do it. Be creative in the planning of activities and you’ll make great memories.
Avoid offering criticism. Providing criticism to someone you care about rarely turns out well. Even though you might have formed an opinion on something your friend said or did, it’s probably best to refrain from telling him of his errors.

In the event he asks you directly for feedback on a situation where you believe he made a mistake, choose your words very carefully. Acknowledging, “I might have done it another way” sounds less critical and more helpful than, “You shouldn’t have done it that way.”

Keep your friends’ affairs confidential. Although this is an obvious point, it is often the most difficult to put into practice. Under no circumstance should you reveal anything about your friend to others who ask, even if one friend puts you on the spot regarding another.
Avoid dumping all your life’s challenges on your friends. Although confiding in your friends is important, refrain from using them only for venting about your own negative feelings and situations.

Moderate your conversations so the friendship doesn’t get too bogged down with frustrating or negative energy. Let them know, “For 20 minutes I’m going to talk about my frustrations with work; then let’s go have some fun.”Respect the time limit you set to discuss your gripes.

Being a great friend will bring you moments of joy, years of comfort, and decades of cherished memories. Implement these strategies in your relationships today. You’ll feel like you’re the best friend ever and those you care about will think so, too!

Make sure you’re effectively using your power to manifest everything you want. Do the “Crash Course on Creating Your Ideal Life” video training for free at the Personal Growth Cafe.

June 13, 2012June 18, 2012

Advantages of Being Assertive

In an average day, you probably have a number of opportunities to openly express yourself.

Stating your preferences in simple, honest terms can help you build the life you seek.

Enjoy these benefits by building your assertiveness skills and putting them into practice:

Cultivate contentment with life. The more you ask for what you desire, the more likely you are to get it. When you regularly obtain what you want, you’ll find more satisfaction in your life.
Have freedom to ask for what you want. In being assertive, you can feel free to share your emotions with others in appropriate ways, without hurtingtheir feelings.
Enjoy more stable relationships. One of the wonderful side effects of demonstrating effective assertiveness skills is that you’ll experience more stable relationships with less conflict.

Although you most likely understand what being assertive involves, you may be thinking that sometimes responding passively is best. After all, you’re an easy-going person and you don’t expect to be satisfied all the time. But when you act passively, you run the risk of holding in your feelings and becoming dissatisfied because of it.

Keeping emotions inside can take a toll on relationships.Trying to dismiss your emotions instead of discussing them can result in speaking inappropriately later when you finally let out your frustrations. This type of response can be damaging to any relationship.

You have a right to be open and honest about how you feel in your interactions with others. And if you express yourself assertively, chances are good the other person will not be hurt or offended. Most likely, they’ll listen and respond to your needs, which can only improve your emotional connection.

Others see you as honest.When you habitually communicate assertively, people know you aren’t going to pull any punches. They believe you’re going to honestly say how you feeland they don’t have to worry about what’s going on with you.
Manifest greater self-confidence. Interestingly, the more you express your own wants and needs, the more your confidence will grow. Those who assert themselves regularly in the course of their daily lives tend to believe they’ll be successful in whatever they do.

When you state what it is you’re after, people are often willing to accommodate you. How’s that for a confidence-builder?

Attune yourself with your self-worth. Can you imagine doing anything that will make you feel more worthy than simply and honestly asserting yourself? After all, nothing else says, “I know that I’m a worthwhile person” better than being forthcoming about what’s on your mind.
Set the example. As you freely and appropriately express yourself, those around you see the enriched life you lead and are encouraged togo after those same rewards. They’ll emulate the confidence you demonstrate with your assertiveness skills.

The more you speak up for your desires, the better your life becomes. Practice assertiveness daily. When you do, you’ll inspire those around you and ignite your own passion for life.

Make sure you’re effectively using your power to manifest everything you want. Do the “Crash Course on Creating Your Ideal Life” video training for free at the Personal Growth Cafe.